My Greatest Fear

Fear, evolutionarily speaking, is a psychological response to stimuli that is considered uncertain, or threatening.  Fear yields not only an emotional response from humans, but an anatomical one as well.  Those reactions include dilation of pupils, an increase in heart rate, sharpening of senses, etc.  Yet, when I think of my greatest fear none of those come to mind.  I see it in my head right now, speeding towards me, and I cant get out of the way.  I cant do anything.


As degrading to my virility as this is, my fears are numerous.  Bugs, heights, and darkness all make me cringe.  But my greatest fear is not something physical, its an idea.

The one thing that scares me the most, is growing up.

It feels like its inevitable, even though I try my best to keep it away; It's a relentless enemy, one that has no thirst, no hunger, and no desires.  It chases me night and day, in my conscience, and in my dreams: It stalks.  My parents hope for it, I abhor it. I cant stand the idea of throwing away everything that I hold dear to me, just because it doesn't contribute to my future.  They ask me "Do you think your friends will be there when you need to pay your rent?", but I don't care!  Why must I sacrifice all that I hold sacred and comforting, just to prepare my self for a reality that I have no interest in confronting?

My attempts are futile, and thats why my fear is unique.  There is no option out, there is no way to defeat it but to confront it head on: the one thing I refuse to do!  I don't want to get into college, but I MUST.  I don't want to get up at the ass-crack of dawn every morning and go to school, but I MUST.  Therefore, by confronting my fear and defeating it, it has won!  It is forcing me to live a life I'm trying to stray away from.  Everyday, I get a little bit closer to succumbing to its power; everyday I lose a little bit more of my youth, and take a step towards Adulthood.


What can I do?  

There is only one solution I see.  Only one circumvention to the massive wall that I am inevitably going to slam into.

I guess i'm going to have to accept it... 

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Young Forever - Mr.Hudson

Coming out on top

Its the undeniable human desire for victory that has inspired me to write this specific blog.  It's the feeling in the pit of your stomach after a competition; you've won, and its because of your hard work and self-belief.  I love winning.  I love winning so much, It hurts.  Whether it be a sport, a video game, or an argument, there is not one outcome that could be better than coming out on top.


But when does it go too far?
When is winning----
---- just not worth it?


The year was 1994, three months after I was born, and the formula-one phenom Ayrton Senna was literally crushing the entire European Grand-Prix scene.  Numerous driving legends, including Michael Schumacher, Alan Prost, and Mika Häkkinen, all claimed Senna as the #1 driver of all time.  These men were the best of the best, and for them to name Senna as their superior was some pretty crazy shit.  For a Brazilian to come in and win over what the racing community considered as the purest racing pedigrees around (the Italians Fins and Frenchmen) was insane.


May 1, 1994, Senna stepped into his Williams F1 car... And never stepped out..


Senna died at Imola due to a loss of traction on an S-turn, resulting in a massive collision with the side-wall.  Senna was known for an undeniable lust for winning.  NO ONE, wanted it more than he did.  He was the epitome of a human's desire for victory.  Senna won, by having a divine belief in himself, an unsurmountable work ethic, and a ruthless demeanor on the track.


--But did he take it too far?--
--Did he want it too much?--


I think not.


Topgear, the British motoring show, filmed a tribute on the last anniversary of Senna's death.
Topgear Tribute


"You either commit yourself as a professional racing driver that is designed to win races, or you come second, or you come third, or you come fifth, and I'm not designed to come third fourth or fifth: I race to win, and if you no longer go for a gap that exists, you're no longer a racing driver"
-Ayrton Senna Da Silva

Beauty

  A year ago, my definition of Beauty was being drastically re-constituted and re-shaped on a daily basis.  Whether it be a pretty girl, a nice car, or a pristine 1080p movie that I came across, I found it harder and harder to pin down what it really meant.

UNTIL I FOUND IT

  As cliche' as this is: I met a girl, that literally re-defined the word Beauty.  There is not ONE aspect of this woman I would change; physically she was stunning, and emotionally I cant remember the last time that someone brought such bliss into my life.  Every day I'd walk into second period, be greeted with a hug, and proceed to shatter the precedent of "The Greatest Day in My Life" I had created the day before, over the next hour and a half.

  Sadly, this never worked out in the end.  The months wore on, and her stay at PCHS was coming to a close.  I had to be content with just being her friend (which I still am); by suppressing my desire to pursue her I had finally found the definition that I had been looking for, for so long.

Beauty:  That which is inexplicably desirable to one's preferences, but something that MUST be let go for the betterment of one's self.

"You dont love a women because she is beautiful, she is beautiful because you love her"

- Anonymous

Eminem - "Beautiful"

Brotherhood

Maybe it's just my heritage, but the word "Brother" is used exceptionally loose in my family.  Most people can count the number of brothers they have on their fingers, I cant.  I'm glad to say that many of my cousins, friends, and acquaintances are FAR more than what their titles denote to them; I feel it is fitting to say that most of these individuals are significant enough to earn the title "Brother".  Hopefully they have mutual feelings for me, because the emotions I have felt in these past few years have been nothing less of sporadic, and I would be NOTHING without their support and companionship.

However, the point of this blog isn't to enlighten you all on some part of my life, its actually me questioning the bitter feelings felt by massive populations towards their brother countries.  For the people who don't know yet, the Korean peninsula has been in a military turmoil over the past few days.  The North Korean military shelled a South Korean Marine Corps holding on the island of Yeonpyeong due to a military exercise encroaching on Northern waters.  After killing two, injuring dozens, and uprooting the households of numerous South Koreans, the South is ready to fight.  Vowing to "retaliate ten-fold" the marine corps is seemingly ready to kick off world war III.

While you may think all this is shitty enough, the shittyness doesn't stop there folks!  The Chinese and the Americans have picked their sides, and this impending war is going to be bloody.  The U.S have allegedly sailed into the Yellow Sea (Keep in mind that these are still International waters) with a Nuclear Aircraft Carrier, and the Chinese are sweating bullets over the possibility of having to go toe-to-toe with the Americans; which is something that would not only result in their eventual demise, but also their economic destruction.      

But why MUST brothers fight?
Why MUST bullets fly?

I leave you all with my usual song and quote:

"Above all things let us never forget that mankind constitutes one great brotherhood; all born to encounter suffering and sorrow, and therefore bound to sympathize with each other."
-Albert Pike


The Decemberists - "The Soldiering Life"

Music!

This ones all about Music, guys.  I can remember the first album I bought (I was five) ,and embarrassingly it was the Backstreet Boys album titled "Millennium".  Thankfully I've gained the insight that at this age, purchasing THAT album, would earn me quite a few weird looks from my peers, but whatever; at the time, they were pretty damn awesome.

Unlike most people I own no portable Media Device (no Iphone/Itouch/Ipod/Zune/Sandisk, etc) but I pride myself on being an avid music listener.  I think music is one of the things that is so widely expansive that condemnation of it is simply saying "I just didn't look hard enough", everyone has something that fits their tastes!  A close friend of mine, we'll call him Bill, is one of those people that seems to hate every song you ever play in his presence.  Anything I play for him quickly receives a "Yeh, I dont know if Im feelin (insert lyricist/songwriter/rapper/)", and I'm not sure, is he the exception to the rule?  Has he accomplished the impossible, and condemned music, or is he just being blunt?

I'll be the first to point out one of my major flaws, which is judging people solely based off their musical tastes.  I apologize if I've alienated you, or made you feel inferior because of what you listen to, but comeon!  I cant help but laugh when you list off "Wiz Kaleefa (spelling?), Gucci Mayne, and DJ Khaled " as your favorite artists.

Let me supply you with a case before I continue my impending rant on what the media calls "Hip-Hop"

"Yeahh 
Damn 
Hold on turn me up a little bit more 
Yeahh bitch 
Always wanted to do this shit 
This is it what 
Luccini (in front of) 
Ugh Ugh Ugh (expletive, one that even I wouldn't say) Yeah"

-The first stanza in Wiz Kaleefa's "Air Born"

I'm sorry but I simply cant take shit like this serious, this man is making millions, driving around in cars that he has no business even looking at, for writing trash like that?  Sign me up, no effort and millions of dollars sounds pretty damn awesome.

I'll leave you with a link to the song i'm currently listening to, and a quote by Dave Chapelle:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yn7kVU6jP0o

"who's the best rapper alive?
DYLAN, DYLAN, DYLAN, DYLAN, DYLAN, cause I spit hot fire mon"

PS: Thanks for the mention Eddy, you've been a great friend, and Mentor.

It Begins.

~I'll start off the same way that I start most of my conversations; Hi.
My name's Kevin Patel and Im a Junior of the PCHS (Panther Creek High School) class of 2012.  My school prides itself on being "one of a kind" and "an exemplary place of learning for todays Youth", but really its just the same old shit.  The administrators suck (Just like every highschool), the food sucks (just like every highschool), and the only thing keeping anyone sane is the slight possibility of going to a kickass college by busting ass and getting good grades.  Im one of the people that will probably get into NCSU (North Carolina State University) by not really trying.  However, one of the few things I dont tell people is my dreams in life.~

~I plan on Majoring in Quantum Physics at State.  Its one of the few things that I find interesting, challenging, and actually worth my time.  I hope to some day live in Geneva, get married, and work on the LHC (Large Hadron Collider) for the rest of my life.~

~I decided to make this blog because I feel that no one really knows me.  They see the kid on the surface; Overweight, Indian, loud as fuck, and randomly brilliant.  I dont think anyone really knows what goes on inside this head of mine.

~Do I even know?~

"For the Man to be born, the boy MUST die"