As degrading to my virility as this is, my fears are numerous. Bugs, heights, and darkness all make me cringe. But my greatest fear is not something physical, its an idea.
The one thing that scares me the most, is growing up.
It feels like its inevitable, even though I try my best to keep it away; It's a relentless enemy, one that has no thirst, no hunger, and no desires. It chases me night and day, in my conscience, and in my dreams: It stalks. My parents hope for it, I abhor it. I cant stand the idea of throwing away everything that I hold dear to me, just because it doesn't contribute to my future. They ask me "Do you think your friends will be there when you need to pay your rent?", but I don't care! Why must I sacrifice all that I hold sacred and comforting, just to prepare my self for a reality that I have no interest in confronting?
My attempts are futile, and thats why my fear is unique. There is no option out, there is no way to defeat it but to confront it head on: the one thing I refuse to do! I don't want to get into college, but I MUST. I don't want to get up at the ass-crack of dawn every morning and go to school, but I MUST. Therefore, by confronting my fear and defeating it, it has won! It is forcing me to live a life I'm trying to stray away from. Everyday, I get a little bit closer to succumbing to its power; everyday I lose a little bit more of my youth, and take a step towards Adulthood.
What can I do?
There is only one solution I see. Only one circumvention to the massive wall that I am inevitably going to slam into.
I guess i'm going to have to accept it...
I think you are both right and wrong about this. Yes, you do have to do all those things, but the reason why there seems to be a paradox (that you lose by winning), is that adulthood isn't actually real. The world may be trying to turn you into something you don't think you are. It may succeed, but I honestly don't think that's very likely. Chances are you'll "grow up" into a more experienced version of the person you already are. There's no magical point where adulthood officially starts and youth ends.
ReplyDeleteIn fact someone once pointed out to me something very interesting that wise men learn from children. One of the ways children understand adults is that adults are the ones who lie.
Now that adulthood has been delegitimized, re-examine all those things you don't want to do. They are worth doing, but it's not as simple as a hurry-up-to-adulthood-so-that-you-can-for-retirement answer.