Laugh a little bit: Part II

I needed a good laugh tonight, so I thought i'd reminisce about some of the shenanigans that i've partaken in during High school.  Me and my friends love to be hoodlums just like everyone else, so one night over the summer we decided it would bring endless bliss to us by flinging coffee creamers at houses.  This was originally one of my friend John's ideas, the activity was soon dubbed "creaming".  Not only are coffee creamers in abundant supply at most gas stations or fast-food joints, they're easy to throw and surprisingly volatile.  John enlightened us on the adventures he had back in his hometown, when him and his brothers would leave cars looking like they had endured a small blizzard because of these things.

We began our prowl around a local neighborhood, and quickly honed in our target: a dark green house that was positioned beside a faulty street light.  As soon as John signaled us to approach after checking if anyone was home, we unleashed unbridled hell upon that house.  Contrary to the name of the Beetles song, we painted that shit white; It was magnificent!  After completely covering a side of the house in vanilla flavored coffee creamer, we moved onto the next target....

This one was not only lacked an escape route, the streetlights must have had new bulbs in because they were insanely bright.  As you can assume however, that didn't stop us.  Much like Julius Caesar, we came, we saw, and we conquered... with vanilla bean coffee creamers.  After sieging the front door with a dozen dairy based artillery shells, we noticed that the lights in the house turned on.  

...I'll spoil the story: we got away, but not unscathed.

Almost two seconds into the escape, my friend Jeremy tripped and face planted right into the grass.  He quickly recovered and we continued to sprint our asses off for about another hundred yards... until it happened.  My friend Bill, who I mentioned back in the "Music!" blog (which you can find here), proceeded to trip and tokyodrift for about three feet on the sidewalk.

You might be wondering, what the hell does tokyodrift mean?  The movie, Fast and the Furious : Tokyo Drift, holds a special place in my heart.  The cut rate acting and HORRID plot progression, made this into the most comical cinematic experience of my life; so much so in fact, that I decided to incorporate its melodramatic title into my everyday vocabulary.

Tokyodrift - Verb

1. To slide, or drift, in a comical manner.

2. To assault someone at a breakneck pace

Varian Forms:

Tokyodrifted - Adj.

1. To be a victim of a well executed tokyodrift; whether it be in a contest of who can drift their car in the most dangerous manner (often between two scrawny guys), or being beaten in a physical manner at a staggeringly fast pace.

Proceeding his fall, everyone in our coffee cream bomber brigade laughed their asses off.  I'll be honest: it was hilarious.  HOWEVER, at the time I picked him up as fast as I possibly could and got him back to running away from whoever our persecutor was.  Once we got home we had to tend to our wounded, and by principle of triage, Bill was in pretty shitty shape.  He had massive skid marks across his torso, knees, and chin; of which were quickly greeted with an iphone camera supplying us with collateral in any sort of disagreement, and some great photo memories.

It's so important to be a complete shit-head sometimes. Because youth is short-lived, when you're 30 with kids and a wife, you will miss times like these.

TO BE CONTINUED, Laugh a little bit: Part III

"Seven days without laughter makes one weak" ~Mort Walker

For the song tonight, I decided to pick one that my friend Bill would want to be on this blog.

Prodigy - Invaders Must Die

Being the best is looked down upon

I was sitting here listening to The Glitch Mob - "Fortune Days" prepping for the rave I will be attending this Saturday, when all of the sudden it dawned on me; people degrade others over the things that make them worth being around.  For example: A good friend of mine is always targeted by criticism and ridicule for literally no reason.  He has no characteristics that I find negative, but for some reason people seem to enjoy fabricating false information about him JUST to have something to talk shit about.  Why is it that the people who deserve this disdain the least always seem to find themselves face to face with it?

Its so apparent to me now.  Everything that you are, all the experiences that you have had, the collection of your talents: will always make others feel empty.  Everything that you are, they are not.  Being the person you want to be will always contrast with what the world wants of you; therefore you must slice through all the bullshit, all the ridicule fired towards you, and all the jealousy people feel for you.  Due to the asinine conformist philosophy that has plagued the U.S for so long, society will Always try to bring you down.  Theres a reason that 1% of the population of the United States controls nearly a third of the wealth in the country.  The lower class is too busy fighting over stupid bullshit, while those who break free of societies vice grip settle themselves among the cosmos.

None of the founding fathers allowed societal woes to limit their potential, neither should you.  I question the motives of high school students who are looking for part-time employment; is your time really worth eight dollars an hour?  The forty hours you work a week could be appropriated towards studying, or honing some sort of talent of yours.  I gladly pass up a few grand in High school for 400 points on my SAT's because that small amount of money (which buys shit that is essentially inconsequential) pales in comparison to the money that I would acquire by graduating from NC.State, instead of a lesser school.

Don't Be a conformist.  Don't let ridicule harm you.  Don't let pointless shit like rejection or drama get in your way.  You have to be the best, and any less is a tragedy.  Never stop climbing.

“I do the very best I know how, the very best I can, and I mean to keep on doing so until the end”~Abraham Lincoln

The Glitch Mob - Fortune Days

To Radio and Beyond!

I'm very proud to announce that myself and the incredibly talented Chaz Evans will be creating a podcast all about Panther Creek!  Sadly I wont be able to bring you a blog today (because i'm writing the Pilot!) but I look forward to giving you guys another dimension of my life by bringing it to you in audio format.

Laugh a little bit: Part I

This blog, on a regular basis, is a fairly serious and philosophical affair.  My last blog, titled "My Greatest Fear", (which you can find here) was the deepest and most thought provoking I could muster.  Even though I'm proud of what I wrote, it seemed a bit too morbid; so morbid in fact, that I decided to throw all those principles out the window tonight and write pure idiocy for once.

My friend (for the sake of the person's privacy I will be using a dummy name) John is utterly hilarious.  Pretty much everything that comes out of his mouth makes me laugh my ass off.  

Before I continue imploring you all on the funny shit that my friend John does, I'll give you guys a bit of background information on his appearance, his family, and how we met.  John, for lack of a better term, is massive.  He spends at least 20% of the week (the whole week not just the time he's awake) in the gym.  He bench-presses well over 300lbs, but i'll stop with his weightlifting stats there seeing as it's undoubtedly more than what you do.  Even though he may now be the strongest person at his High School, he wasn't always a massive football player.  He moved here from another state in middle-school, as the skinny self proclaimed "World of Warcraft God".

He played this game a ton, but his brother... Holy Shit.  His brother (we'll call him Fred), was notorious among my circle of friends as the most anti-social nerd alive.  The nerdiness was insane. I cant even express it to you in a practical sense: It has to be in the form of a story.  Fred, who somehow played more video-games than John did, avidly used the word "poopsock"

 IF YOU ARE EATING SOMETHING, PUT IT DOWN, THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET UGLY.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

After hearing this word thrown around several times in their conversations, I got curious like any other person would, and asked what it's meaning was.  That was easily one of the biggest mistakes I had made to that date. 

Poopsock

~Verb

1. Used often as a last resort or act of desperation, a devout gamer will remove his sock and proceed to defecate into it in order to avoid the act of getting up and going to the bathroom.

~Noun

2. A sock filled with excrement

Variant Forms:

1. Poopsocked (~Adj.) - to be struck with a poopsock (often at high velocity) by means of another catapulting it through the air with their arm.

Now all of you may be thinking, theres no way in hell that he actually did this.  To be honest, i'm not sure if he ever actually did the unspeakable and shit in a sock.  I hope to god no, but I know for a fact that this practice is not as taboo for some of the lowest of anti-socials.

Now that you guys have a background of my friend John's appearance, personality, and family, I want you all to look closely at YOUR friends and appreciate how much better your life is because of them.  When John isn't being a complete shit-head, he is a loyal and helpful friend; the kind of friend that would help you get through the rough times.

TO BE CONTINUED: Laugh a little bit: Part II

"When people are laughing, they're generally not killing each other [sic]" ~Alan Alda

For this blog's song I'm going to pick one of John's favorite songs:

Scarf - My Odyssey